In Three Words
by HatOfNiceness
Summary: A summary of every possible couple in three words, followed by a short drabble. Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Hello y'all. For the sake of remaining coherent, I will drop the southern accent, but even without a funky accent, what I'm about to say is XTRMLY IMPOTENT.

.. Naah, jk. But still, listen up. What you have here is every single Naruto pairing I can think of (Crack or no.) put in 3 or less words, with a short drabble afterwards. I like crack pairing, but I'm not always the best at making them up, so if anyone can think of two people they'd like to see paired, comment please. Thanx. :3 Enjoy!

SasoDei- _String Perversion_

"Hey, Deidara."

The blonde didn't look up from what he was doing. "What, 'un?"

"Come here for a minute.." This time, Sasori got his partner's attention. He smirked slyly.

"… Why?.. 'un," Deidara stood, slightly apprehensive of the look Sasori was giving him. A smirk on the redhead's face was a normal occurrence, but this one was.. Odd.

"I am about to prove to you, without a shadow of a doubt, that my art is superior to yours," Sasori's smirk grew wider as Deidara approached him.

"Pfft, in your dreams, 'un.." Deidara murmured, walking a few paces away to where his partner waited. When he was within a foot of Sasori, he froze. Not with fear, or simply out of the desire to not go forwards- he actually _couldn't move. _

Deidara looked down at his arms, and found, much to his chagrin, that there were long, blue strands sprouting to them, that ran all the way back to Sasori's fingertips. With a flick of said fingertips, he had been immobilized.

"…" Looking up, Deidara raised an eyebrow at his partner, wondering how on earth this was supposed to prove anything, only to find that he was no longer there. He looked down at his arms again, following the chakra threads… Only to find that Sasori was pressed against his back, and had one arm wrapped around his middle, and one slung over his shoulder. "….."

"Can you do this.." The red head's breath tickled Deidara's neck, and he started to worm his right hand under the blonde's robe. ".. With explosives?" A light blush sprouted on Deidara's cheeks.

"… Pervert.." He grumbled. "But I suppose not, 'un."

**AN: **Ahaha! Haha.. Dear lord. If half the techniques that could be abused for something dirty in Naruto _were _used for something dirty, I'm pretty sure it would be a Hentai by now.


	2. Chapter 2

ShinoHina- _The Quiet Ones_

When Shino Aburame had first asked her out, Hinata had been shocked. She had had no idea that he liked her, but never the less, she couldn't say "no" to a close friend like him.

"Meet me at 8:30, at the gates, tonight," He had said, and just like that, turned and walked off.

_What a strange guy.. _Hinata thought, recounting the memory as she walked. The streets were dark, but a full moon illuminated her path. She walked slowly, as there was still plenty of time, and thought about what might happen on the date. It was too late for dinner, so what was Shino planning?

As she approached the gate, Hinata noticed a lone figure standing there. When the figure turned towards her, and she made out the glint of goggles, she realized it was Shino. Hinata's pace quickened slightly, and within the minute, she was at his side.

"Follow me," he said quietly. Hinata knit her fingers together in a mixture of worry, shyness, and anticipation, but nevertheless did what he asked of her. Right outside the gate, there was a dark forest, which Shino headed straight into. Hinata followed him as close behind as she dared, but as the darkness of the night and the shadows of the trees pressed down on her, she started to feel more and more anxious.

After they had walked for about a minute, Shino turned to face Hinata, looking her up and down, then offered his hand to her. Hinata was confused at first, but then got the message, holding his hand with one of her own trembling ones. It felt much more natural and safe, she realized, to walk through the woods like this.

A couple more minutes, and they reached a clearing. The moonlight shone straight down upon them, and Shino gestured for Hinata to sit down on a nearby log. He joined her shortly, and barely three seconds after he did so, the moon went behind a cloud.

At the sudden darkness Hinata yelped, but her nervousness subsided when in the air began to glow tiny, bright green dots. Fireflies. They spun and danced, making patterns in the air that grew in complexity as more of the bugs began to light up. Hinata gasped, and a smile slowly formed on her face as the fireflies continued to enchant her.

"Oh Shino.." She breathed, and he put his arm around her. "It's beautiful.."

"You haven't seen the best part yet.." He said, holding her close. Shino waved his free hand, and the fireflies rearranged themselves, spelling out a different message for Hinata.

It was only three words long.

**AN: **:'3


	3. Chapter 3

ShikaTayu- _Not My Neck_

The scene was the middle of the forest. It was dark, it was eerie, and Shikamaru and Tayuya were fighting each other for their lives. The two ninja were locked in a vicious battle. They were standing in the middle of a tree trunk, each fighting with chakra and sheer force of will to either strangle the other, or prevent themselves from being strangled.

It was serious. It was suspenseful. It was _epic._

At least, until Tayuya's expression changed from one of rage and frustration to one of mere irritation, and disbelief.

She looked down at the shadow hands winding their way up her body, and then at Shikamaru.

"That is _not _my neck," Tayuya growled through clenched teeth. Shikamaru looked down, and an expression of mortification crossed his face.

"Uhm.. Oops.." He grimaced slightly. "You know, if you'd just let me strangle you, we wouldn't have this problem.

**AN: **Yeah, short chapter, I know. I did it more for comedy than anything. But seriously, did anyone else think that those shadow hands were actually groping her?


	4. Chapter 4

KakaIru- _Subtext? What subtext?_

For about the fifth time that day, Kakashi ran into Iruka, and deliberately tried to avoid him. It didn't work. Through the throng of people on the street, he heard his name being called.

Not wanting to be impolite, he turned around.

"Hello, Iruka," He said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Iruka frowned at him, putting his hands on his hips.

"This is the fifth time today I've seen you, and immediately after I notice you, you leave. Are you stalking me?" He asked. It wasn't an accusation- merely a question.

"No; actually, I've kind of been trying to avoid you," Kakashi said, shaking his head. "It's nothing personal," he quickly continued. "It's just that for the past few days, I keep running into you, a lot more than usual, and every time I do, I feel like someone- a lot of people- are watching me. And not only that. I feel like they're trying to pressure me into doing something, but I don't know what."

Iruka looked around uneasily, then leaned in to whisper in his friend's ear.

"Now that you mention it, I've kinda been getting the same feeling. I think the reason we only feel it when we're around each other is that the thing these people want us to do is involves both of us." He said, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

"What could they _possibly _want us to do together? Fight to the death? Go on a magical adventure?" Kakashi asked, incredulous.

"**KISS, YOU MORONS!" **About 20 people in their immediate area shouted at the same time. Oddly, they were all women, almost all of which were under the age of 18.

"Um.." Iruka and Kakashi looked at each other awkwardly.

"Maybe we should just do what they want.." Kakashi muttered. Most of the people who had just shouted didn't look particularly stable.

"Okay.. But just one," Iruka muttered back. "Are.. You going to take that mask off?"

"No."

"Fine with me," He said, and gave him a very light, very chaste kiss on the lips.

All the women promptly squealed, and dropped to the floor with blood shooting out of their noses.

Kakashi looked at Iruka very seriously.

"Let us never speak of this again."

"Agreed."

**AN: **Personally, I don't see any evidence for this pairing other than "They are ninjas of about the same age, in the same occupation, who once shared a panel together." :/ Seems like crack to me, but it's _so damn popular._

I apologize for not updating yesterday. I was away for 90% of the day, and the 10% I was at home, I was too tired to do anything. Only got about 5 ½ hours of sleep, which is not enough for me.


	5. Chapter 5

TayuSako- _You Buy One…_

"So…" Tayuya closed the door to the meeting room, and started walking. "You're coming over to my place tonight, right?"

Sakon sighed, and started walking alongside her, rolling his eyes. "Seeing as 'your place' is right across the hallway from mine…" He stopped the sarcastic tone when he saw Tayuya's death glare. ".. Yes. Yes I am."

"Good," Tayuya said, evidently satisfied. Her death glare returned to her normal expression, a scaled down version of itself. Both of them continued to walk. Then…

"Someone's getting lucky tonight!" Sakon's face flushed red with anger and embarrassment.

"Shut up!" He yelled, reaching back to smack his brother on the head. "I thought you were sleeping!"

"Ow. Sorry.." Ukon apologized. Tayuya looked on in mild amusement, raising an eyebrow.

"Does he really have to come along?" She asked, pointing at Ukon. Sakon sighed heavily.

"We're a package deal; Sorry." He mumbled, glaring at the floor. "You buy one, you get one free."

**AN: **Aah, I've been meaning to do this one for a long time!

This is one of my personal favorites, and I got the idea a while ago, but couldn't remember to write it... (Or when I did, I was too lazy…)


	6. Chapter 6

KakaSaku- _What? Ah, yes._

It was the end of another one of Sakura's solo training sessions. She was tired, sweaty, and beat up.

_Naruto, you lucky little.. _She cut herself off. Naruto wasn't lucky at all. He was still in the hospital, recovering from his fight with Sasuke. Sasuke… He had left her on a bench in the middle of the night, unconscious, after she had confessed her love to him. That's pretty much the worst rejection she could have suffered.

But Sakura didn't care. She had Kakashi.

From day 1 of her training, she had noticed one thing. Her sensei was very. Very. Pretty. At that time, she hadn't paid much attention to that thought, because she liked Sasuke. But at the back of her mind, the thought slowly began to blossom, and with Sasuke gone, Sakura finally realized how big a crush she had on Kakashi.

And now, here she was, with no one to interrupt her, or bother her. It was go time.

"Sensei, thank you very much for continuing my training," Sakura walked over to her teacher, batting her eyelashes. This was totally lost on Kakashi, who had his nose buried in his book. "Sensei?"

"Huh? Oh.." He looked up, and smiled at her. Or at least Sakura assumed he did. "No problem."

"Are you going to take a bath?" She asked, crossing her fingers behind her back.

"Yes," He said, and Inner Sakura did a little cheer. "At home."

_Damnit! _Inner Sakura screamed, but Sakura herself didn't give up.

"Why not do it at the little bathhouse right outside the training grounds?" She batted her eyelashes again, and crossed both fingers. "So you won't have to walk back dirty and tired." _And, it's unisex! _Sakura thought, but she didn't say it.

Kakashi looked at her seriously, thinking.

"Sakura," He finally said. "I think I have an inkling of what you're planning." Sakura gulped, and her heard beat faster. "Do you want me to be arrested for statutory rape?"

"N-no, sensei.." She squeaked.

"Keep it at first base, then," Kakashi said, heading off in the direction of the bath. Sakura did a little cheer, and then quickly followed after him.

**AN: **… Yeeeah. I was browsing deviantART, and I came across two wonderful pieces of art titled "Horrors of Fandom Kakashi," and "Horrors of Fandom Sakura," about how people will basically ship these two with anyone. So I figured, "Why not write something where they're together?"

And thus, this was born. Anyways, I highly recommend anyone who hasn't seen those go see 'em, and also, see the Vocaloid song that I named this chapter after. It's good. (Albeit slightly NSFW. Watch out, cubicle workers!)


	7. Chapter 7

SaiNaru- _(Not) Closet Pervert_

One by one, all the other girls at the hot spring left. They had soaked long enough to wash away all their stress, it seemed. Sakura stayed. She half-envied the other girls, who had so little stress that they could soak it away in less than an hour. It was her third hour in the spring, and she still felt knots of worry in her back.

"I think it's about time we got out," Sakura snapped to attention from her somewhat heat-dazed state when she heard Sai's voice.

"Wait a second!" That was most definitely Naruto. There was a loud splash, and he laughed.

"What was that for?" In the usual Sai manner, this was more of a statement than a question.

"_That_ was for embarrassing me in front of everyone else here," Naruto said, a bitter note in his voice. There was a moment of absolute silence. Sakura waded closer to the wall of the spring. "_That _was for what you actually said."

"You're quite the fast one, aren't you Naruto?"

"Do you want another?" _What on earth was going on over there? _

As quietly as she possibly could, Sakura crawled out of the hot tub, wrapped herself in her towel, and scooted next to the wooden wall that divided the two baths. Desperately, she searched for an eyehole- Surely, there must have been some desperate boy who carved one into the wall to peek on the girls?

"Although you may be lacking when it comes to size, I will admit that you are.. Talented," Sakura could almost _hear _Naruto grinning.

"I'll take that as a yes," He said. Both of the boys fell silent again.

Finally, Sakura found what she was looking for. She grinned in triumph, and peered straight through the hole in the wood. Luckily for her, there was nothing on the other side obstructing her view, which meant that the minute she looked through, she was hit full force by what her two teammates were doing.

They were _kissing. _Full bodied, on-the-lip, possibly-using-tongue _kissing. _And, from the looks of it, they showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Sakura wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, which were currently wide with shock. She stifled a gasp, fearing that they would hear her. She shouldn't have bothered- both Sai and Naruto were off in their own world.

As quietly as she could, Sakura slipped away, trying to ignore the low groans that were clearly coming from her two teammates. She retreated indoors, clothing herself in a robe, and heading back towards the room that the whole team would share.

It was a long time before the boys came back. Naruto looked much happier than he had when he went into the hotspring, and Sai looked… Well… Like he usually did. Sakura stared at them, until Naruto noticed her looking, and she averted her gaze.

When the food finally arrived, Naruto sat down to eat it with a noticeable wince.

"Thank god for Seiza," He said, and Sakura had to try very hard to keep from laughing

**AN: **Credit for this chapter's idea goes to Sirius J Potter, with love and a big thank you. ^^ Seriously, though; Comment once on another man's privates, it's an insult. Again, and it raises the question of why you're even looking in that area. (Or at least so I've heard.) And I really can't believe I've only done 2 BL chapters… (And no GL!)

Be honest, people- If you were in Sakura's position, who would have stayed and watched? *Raises hand meekly*


	8. Chapter 8

TsuShizu- _Confucius and Sake_

Many people would have asked Shizune why she kept her "job."

They didn't see the appeal to having to deal with debt, loan sharks, and their tipsy boss. Sure, Tsunade made a good Hokage- She was strong, and a good leader. But she was also rumored to be incredibly short-tempered and occasionally lazy.

She had been asked time and time again, "Is it because you personally feel the need to help her?" as if Tsunade was sick, and she was doing a charitable deed. Of course, Shizune would have said yes, but not for that reason.

If anyone had bothered to ask, there were three reasons she stuck around.

One, contrary to popular beliefs, she _did _actually enjoy it.

Two, Tsunade _did _need her. Not as much as people seemed to think, but a good deal.

It was the end of another long day, and Shizune carefully knocked on the door, as to not tip over the tray she was holding.

"Come in!" She carefully turned the knob, pushed the door open, and stepped inside. "Oh, Shizune. I've just finished the last bit of paperwork." Shizune smiled.

"That's good, because I finished this form," She handed a piece of paper from the tray to Tsunade, who quickly skimmed it, then nodded. "Which means that we are done for today! And, I brought sake." Shizune placed the tray down on the table.

"Thank you, Shizune," Tsunade said. Then, realizing something, she leaned across the table and kissed her unsuspecting assistant straight on the lips. "I love you."

And that was the third reason.

**AN: **To I's That C: Thanks for the suggestions. *Kittehface* I hope you enjoyed it.

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" – Confucius.

Who else thinks that Tsunade is basically the Roy Mustang of the Naruverse, and Shizune is the Riza Hawkeye? ^^


	9. Chapter 9

NaruHina- _Spit It Out_

"Hinata." She put down her drink, and turned around, a little surprised.

"Neji? What is it?" The solemn look on Hinata's cousin's face, as usual, betrayed nothing.

Neji hesitated for a second. Then, "Naruto is leaving the village. He will be gone for, I am told, three years. If.. You have anything you want to say to him, now would be the time." The way he said it made Hinata think he knew more than he let on. She stood up, blushing.

"Thank you, Neji.." She said, with a small smile, then raced out. Neji watched her go, the speed at which his usually patient and steady cousin took off at confirming his thoughts much more than any words from her could.

Hinata sped through the streets as fast as she could, which, being a ninja, was pretty fast. She was almost at the gate- She would catch Naruto on time- There he was!

Hinata froze in place. She gulped several times, then ducked behind a building. The second she did so, she kicked herself mentally. Naruto, whom she had loved for the longest time now, was within 20 feet of her, about to go away on a three-year-long trip, and she couldn't even say goodbye to him.

_Get a hold of yourself! _Hinata's more courageous side shouted at her. _You don't have to go up and confess all of your feelings- Just say "goodbye, good luck, and see you when you get back! _She scrunched up her face, and slowly, slowly, stepped out from her cover.

"Naruto!" She called out, as loudly as she could. The blonde boy, who was already walking out of the gate, turned around towards his name.

"Hinata?" He asked, as she skidded to a halt in front of him. Hinata knitted her fingers together, and looked to the side, her face flushing. "I was just about to leave.. Do you want something before I go?"

"I came to say.. Well.. I'm.." Her blush intensified as she struggled for words.

"What is it?" Naruto asked, bending his head to try to look into Hinata's eyes.

"N-Naruto.." Her whole face was red as a tomato now, and she was two breaths away from hyperventilating. "I.. I just came t-to say.." Gulping, Hinata looked up, looking Naruto straight in the eye. Her adrenaline was pumping, and at that moment, her most courageous, reckless side took over, and she leaned in, kissing Naruto directly on the lips.

The kiss only lasted for about three seconds, but it was enough time for Hinata to both register what she was doing, and be thoroughly mortified by the fact that she was doing it. She broke away, and stumbled a step backwards, her face, if possible, even redder.

"Goodbye, Naruto.. See.. See you when you c-come back.." She whispered, then turned and ran away as fast as she could. (Which as a ninja, as might have been mentioned, was pretty damn fast.)

Naruto called after her, but she didn't listen. And once the gate was completely out of site, she ducked into a side alley, where she promptly swooned to the floor.

**AN: **Agh, I love Hinata. She's. So. ADORABLE!

To I's That C: I'd love to do some Sasuke pairings, but I've been avoiding them since I'm not to good at writing for him on account of.. To put it gently, not really liking him. :/ I much prefer Sai, even though he's such a sketchy character. *Rimshot* (Dear God that was horrible…) But thanks a lot. ^^


	10. Chapter 10

OroNaru- _And Another Thing_

When Naruto got angry, things tended to get broken.

Like windows. And bridges. And _legs. _

And as he stared at the ghostly-pale face of the man who had been responsible for his best friend leaving the village to seek revenge without even saying goodbye, Naruto was getting so angry, that his anger literally started to leak out of him and attain a physical form.

Orochimaru looked on in interest, raising an eyebrow.

"Intriguing," He said, seemingly unfazed by the massive, hateful chakra of the boy before him. "With the help of the monster inside you, it would seem your development rate far exceeds both our expectations." Orochimaru glanced sideways at Kabuto, who shrugged.

Naruto, who could somehow hear Orochimaru despite his low tone, the howling wind, and his own gnashing teeth, responded by yelling, "Yeah, no thanks to you!"

The interested look was replaced by a mildly confused one. "What do you mean?"

"During the Chuunin exam- About the same time you kicked off this entire damn thing- You picked me up with your tongue, lifted my shirt, and extra-sealed this 'monster,'" Naruto spat at him. "It was weird, I couldn't harness _any _of the power, and on top of that, _it was incredibly gay."_

"… Oh. That." Orochimaru glared at Naruto, offended. Kabuto stifled a laugh. "Obviously you got it back, why are you still sore about it? And anyway, it was not gay." He crossed his arms.

"Why not?"

"Because," Orochimaru smirked. "I was a woman at the time."

Everyone in the immediate vicinity facepalmed.

**AN: **For Sirius J Potter, who correctly guessed that I am a sucker for puppy-dog eyes. :3

I'm sorry that I couldn't get this out yesterday. My mom had to take me up to the school that she works at, and it being an elementary school and having somewhat crappy Dell computers and an internet block, I couldn't even get near here. *Sighs*


	11. Chapter 11

SasoSaku- _Other Uses_

Sasori was proud of his puppets. He was proud of how many he had amassed, their quality, and of the work he had done to achieve that quality and quantity. And the puppet he was the most proud of (Besides himself.) was his Kazekage puppet. The material had been difficult to acquire, it was armed to the teeth with poison, sharp things, (Sometimes both at once!) and other miscellaneous items, and over the years, Sasori had found that it had other uses.

It took Sakura Haruno, who he was currently fighting, considerably less time to discover them.

"Gaah!" She screamed, toppling to the ground rather unceremoniously. "What was that?" Chiyo looked at her quizzically.

"Did you get hurt?" It seemed like a kind of stupid question to ask, but it felt adequate given Sakura's reaction. (Which seemed to be to be of more disgust and anger than pain.)

"He.. That puppet… Gaah!" Sakura gestured wildly to the Kazekage puppet, then to her chest, then to the many wooden arms which were currently sprouting from said puppet.

Chiyo looked at her grandson in disbelief. "Sasori. I knew you had changed since I last saw you. But now.. You're a _LECH?"_

Sasori attempted to mimic her disbelieving expression, and failed. "What, you honestly believe I did that of purpose?" The wide eyed an innocent look on his face only served to make Sasori appear slightly frightening.

"…"

There was not a puppet on earth which would have protected him from the twin armor-piercing slaps that came from the two women facing him.

**AN: **Ohh Sasori.. I am so sorry that you're the one I have chosen to most often use for the perverted abilities affect. To be fair, Orochimaru gets it a lot too. (But I can't post that stuff in this 'fic.. :P)

I had to go to my Mom's school again today, but we got home at a respectable time, so.. Yeah. ^^


	12. Chapter 12

GaaNaru- _Snow White_

"Y'know Gaara, I've been thinking about something…" Naruto said, scratching behind his head. He sat down next to the red head, a small frown forming on his face.

"About what?" Gaara had not requested Naruto's company, but once he had it, he was glad of it. To say the last few days had been stressful was to put it incredibly lightly.

"What if you hadn't needed Chiyo's whole life energy to be revived at all? What if you had just Disney-died, and it was like Snow White, and all you needed was a kiss from the dashing prince to bring you back?" If Gaara had had eyebrows, he would have raised one questioningly.

"What is 'Disney'?" He asked. Then, something dawned on him. "So you think that I might have in fact been an only mostly dead princess, and I should have gotten kissed by a prince to bring me back?"

"I'm not actually sure about Disney, but yeah, the dead one is usually the princess." Naruto frowned deeper. "It seems that the only time you won't get beaten up for kissing girls in their sleep is if you're a prince.."

Gaara decided it was best not to ask about that. "Who would have been the prince?"

"Probably me, since I am the epitome of blonde masculinity," Naruto said, finally grinning.

"It's not too late." The grin vanished.

"What." It was more of a statement than a question.

"If you feel cheated because you weren't able to kiss the princess back to life... It's not too-" Gaara was cut off by Naruto's lips pressed on his. His eyes widened in as close to shock as he could manage, but he kissed back.

All too soon, it was over. Both boys leaned back, catching their breath, and Naruto, to either celebrate or kill the moment, started whistling "Someday My Prince Will Come."

**AN: **Bleh. I couldn't think of a better ending. :P I enjoyed this though- Naruto is sort of like the Ichigo of his world: You can practically pair him with anyone, and there will be at least some proof to back up your claim. (I'm late again today- I slept 'till 10:30 having that awesome ninja dream where I was a ninja…)

To I's that C: Thankyouverymuch. ^^ Yeah, there's a fine line between "Fluffy" and "Diabetes-inducingly sweet." I would avoid treading that line with some angst, but I am not good at it. :P


	13. Chapter 13

SakuIno- _Moving On_

The past few days, whenever Ino had looked for Sakura, she was always in the same place. This was saying a lot- First of all, Sakura tended to move around. A lot. She went on walks, on runs, and the like. She had a busy schedule, and Ino would usually spend a while looking for her, on the rare occasions they had something to say to each other.

That was the second thing- To know for sure that Sakura would be in the same place, Ino had to have wanted to talk to her a lot over the past few days. And she had. The problem was, Sakura hadn't wanted to talk back.

Ino pursed her lips as she approached Sakura. She was going to change that today. And the change started first with a hearty slap across the face.

Sakura's head jerked to the side, and she let out a yelp of pain and anger. She rubbed her cheek, which now had a red mark forming on it, then turned back to Ino.

"What the HELL was that for?" Sakura screamed at her. Ino crossed her arms, and screamed right back.

"WILL YOU GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF?" She was so loud, several birds in a nearby tree cawed, and took flight. "You. Have been sitting. On THIS GOD. DAMN. BENCH. **FOR. THREE. DAYS!" **Ino punctuated each fragment of her sentence by stomping her foot. Sakura glared at her for a minute, then stood up, and returned the slap.

"THERE! I GOT UP. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?" Taking her rage a step farther, Sakura concentrated chakra to her foot when she stomped, making a small crater in the sidewalk where her foot came down.

"OH, SO YOU FINALLY DECIDED I'M GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TALK TO!" Ino's face was going red from rage, and her throat felt rough from bellowing at the top of her lungs, but she wasn't going to stop. "Sakura. I can put up with a lot from you, and I have. Names? I can deal with that. Punches? I'll take 'em, and dish them right back out. But I CANNOT! STAND! YOUR DAMN! SELF! PITY!" The blonde swore she could see steam coming from Sakura's ears.

"DON'T PRETEND YOU WOULD ACT ANY DIFFERENTLY, YOU NOSY. SELF-RIGHTEOUS! **PIG!**" Through all her anger, Sakura's shoulders had slowly begun to shake. By this point in time, although her blood was boiling, and her face was as red as Ino's, tears were spilling down her cheeks. "You wouldn't get over it so easily, if you told someone you loved them and they… They..!" She screamed out wordlessly, and stomped again, leaving a bigger crater than before, and then started to sob.

Ino gently eased her back onto the bench, and tried to put her arms around her friend. Sakura pushed her away a few times, but Ino would not be denied. Deep down, a hug was something they both needed.

Both girls sat there in that position, until Sakura's tears had stopped flowing, and her sobs had quieted.

"I'm sorry for slapping you, Sakura.." Ino said quietly. "But I hate to see you like this. I hate that I talk to you, and I talk to you, and you don't respond, or seem happier. I hate the fact that someone could do this to you."

Sakura gulped, then spoke. "It was a good thing you did. It was painful, but it's better I was shaken from my spell as soon as you could muster the ability. I'm sorry for yelling at you.." She cast her gaze towards the ground. "I hate the fact that I was too willing to pity myself to do anything about my situation. But… I just don't understand why he would… Why he would…" She couldn't finish her sentence without choking over the words.

Ino could think of a few possible endings to the sentence, but she didn't want to upset Sakura further.

_Sasuke Uchiha… _She thought, pursing her lips. _If I ever get ahold of you again, I am going to smack you right across the face, and then once more for Sakura.._

Presently, she found herself hugging her friend tighter, until the right words came to her.

"They say… I've heard that the best way to move on after you've been hurt, is to find solace in someone else you know you can trust." Sakura looked up. She had calmed down considerably, but her eyes and cheeks were still red. "Sakura.. I was wondering, if just this one time, you would rely on me?"

"Do you promise not to leave me lying unconscious on a random bench after I confess my love to you?" Sakura asked. Ino would have laughed if she didn't know the pinkhead was deadly serious.

"I promise." Ino said. In the spur of the moment, she lifted Sakura onto her lap, and buried her head in her hair.

And even though Sakura had been told to move on, she felt like she could have stayed just like that, forever.

**AN:**

I am now far enough down not to spoil the mood. ^^ So allow me to push the mimits of my PG-13-ish rating by saying F$#ING HURRICANE. Blackout. From 3AM until 6PM. Seriously. If hurricanes don't involve shirtless Jared Leto, they suck pretty damn bad.

To I's that C: Well, I did my best. More Hurt/Comfort than Angst, though… Working my way up is probably the best way to avoid the W word. *Gasp!*

To Sirius J Potter: Naruto hasn't read much fanfiction, has he? :P And I'm glad I was able to lift your spirits during the storm- As you can see, it was not the most pleasant experience on this end either… :/


	14. Chapter 14

OroIta- _Immortality Entendres_

"Hey, Itachi!" Something had been nagging at Deidara for a long time now, and he had finally pinpointed it. "I've got a question for you, 'un."

Itachi simply stared at him, which over the course of their relationship, Deidara had come to know as the sign to continue talking.

"Sasori told me Orochimaru left the organization because you, to quote 'turned him down.' I just wanted to know if that was true, 'un." Itachi stared at him for a bit longer, then nodded.

"It is. He wanted my body, but I said no." Deidara's mind went blank, then slowly crawled into the gutter.

"… What."

"He kept pestering me to let him take me, but I told him I didn't want to let him have what had been mine for all my life." Itachi sighed.

"You mean… That never happened to you before, 'un?"

Itachi gave him a blank look that smacked of 'duh.' "Obviously."

"I would have thought that other people might have wanted you.." Deidara made a mental note of the fact as blackmail material, then discarded it, figuring that if Itachi was so willing to tell him, it probably wouldn't bee too effective.

"If they did, they didn't say so." Itachi folded his arms, and due to the crinkling of his forehead, Deidara assumed he was frowning under his collar.

"Was there a particular reason you turned him down? I can imagine it would hurt a lot, 'un."

"He said that it would be over quickly, but knowing Orochimaru, he would probably drag it out for his own pleasure." Deidara shivered as something occurred to him.

"He's that good, 'un?" Itachi gave a little shrug.

"I wouldn't know. I've been saving myself for other things." _Ohh, so that's why…_

"Which one of you would you think would have been on top?" Upon wondering that, Deidara had a few mental images which made him hurriedly backpedal. "Uhmm… It's okay if you don't want to answer that one, 'un."

"That's an odd way to put it…" Itachi said, mostly to himself, then shook his head. "He would."

"From what I've heard, it's a pretty standard way to put it, 'un." Deidara said, hurrying to repress the next wave of mental images which had beset him.

"Wait, you know _other _people who do stuff like this?"

"Yeah, almost everyone I know does it. Are we talking about the same thing, 'un?"

"If you're talking about Orochimaru using my body as a vessel for his immortality jutsu…" Deidara opened his mouth several times, then closed it.

"I… Wasn't." Itachi promptly facepalmed.

"Well, what were you talking about?" He asked with a slight sigh.

"Um…" Several minutes, and a long, awkward explanation later, Deidara's face was red with embarrassment, and Itachi looked somewhere between "stunned" and "terrified."

"If you'll excuse me," he said, turning on his heels. "I am going to go drill a hole in my skull, and pour soap into it."

**AN: **My personal second favorite Orochimaru pairing. Yay! But without Orochimaru.. NOES! And now both Deidara and Itachi are scarred for life… Yay?

To I's that C: Thankyou. ^^ *Curtsies* I'm glad it didn't fall flat.

*Lightbulb* Oh yeah. There's a possibility that I'm not going to be able to update for the next minimum-2-maximum-7 days, because I'm going to be away. If I can get near my mom's laptop, I will. If not… :/


	15. Chapter 15

KabuShika- _Exactly As Planned_

Their relationship was based on war.

Of course, it wasn't actual war. It was simply Shogi. But from the way Shikamaru and Kabuto played it, in the climax of the game, it felt almost like the two men were at war with each other. And that was just how they liked it.

Shikamaru had no idea why he enjoyed playing Kabuto as much as he did. He was smug, condescending, and creepy. That grin that he had… The one that always said, "I know something that you don't" was constantly on his face, despite the fact that Shikamaru had just captured his other rook, or Shikamaru had just put him in check. And it always seemed that through the glare on his glasses, Shikamaru could never quite see his eyes.

But despite all of that- Or maybe because of it- Kabuto would always give him a run for his money.

He had woken up in the middle of the night when something pushed him. Groggily, Shikamaru sat up, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and mumbled something about school and his mother.

"Shh!" Before Shikamaru had time to register what was happening, a hand clapped over his mouth, which snapped him out of his sleepiness very quickly. "I'm sorry for interrupting your rest, but I need to speak with you."

"Mmph!" He'd recognize that voice anywhere. The only difference between now and all those afternoons they'd spent together was the note of urgency and pleading, two emotions which Kabuto Yakushi had never showed to him before. "Mmm. Mmnmnn."

The gloved hand released his mouth, and it's owner sat on Shikamaru's bed.

"It's been a long time," Kabuto said, pushing his glasses up. Shikamaru took a moment to give him his best "duh" face.

"I don't get it," He shook his head several times. "You… I should kill you right here! Or at least, hold you down until someone else can come and get you. So why the hell did you come back?"

"Like I said, I need to speak with you. I came here for one reason, and one reason only." The silver haired man paused for dramatic effect. "I want to play one last game of Shogi with you."

Shikamaru blinked. He stared at Kabuto for a moment.

And then, he began to laugh. Kabuto covered his mouth with his hand again, and sighed as he waited for Shikamaru's shoulders to stop shaking.

"You've got to be kidding me!" He managed once he had stopped laughing. "You went through all this trouble to sneak back here, just for a game of Shogi?"

"Yes."

"…" Shikamaru thought for a moment. _This is ridiculous. I'm just going to trap him here with my Shadow Bind, and then… _"Okay." His more rational side facepalmed. "On one condition- If you lose, I take you prisoner."

Kabuto smiled, and his glasses gleamed. "That seems fair."

Once Shikamaru had gotten out of bed, the two of them snuck downstairs. Once the Shogi board had been taken out, they sat on the floor, and set up the pieces.

And then they played. And as they did so, Shikamaru found that something was wrong. He simply couldn't concentrate. He was too busy wondering why the traitor sitting across from him had risked so much for one game. Surely there were other people who knew how to play it in the Sound Village.

"Tsumi*."

"… Ehh." _Damn. _Kabuto's grin was in super-smugness mode. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, and leaned back.

"Which means, you have to allow me to go. Though I must say, that was wonderful." If it was possible, his smirk grew even wider. Glowing with the heat of victory, Kabuto did the second thing he had come back to Konoha for- He leaned over the board, and kissed Shikamaru.

As he stood up, he uncrossed his arms, and pushed back his gleaming glasses. It seemed Kabuto was about to say something, but he just walked to the window, opened it, and climbed out. For his part, Shikamaru sat there, staring at the Shogi board until the sun rose.

**AN: **ZOMG THE CRACK PAIRING!1! … Eheh. All silliness aside, this one is the product of a teensy bit of sleep deprivation. (If you're going to ask what the cause of that sleep deprivation is.. Don't. Just.. Don't. *Shiver*)

Everyone loves the entendre hurricane, ehh? :P In HatOfNiceness world, Sasori is a pervert, Kabuto is a tease, and both Naruto and Itachi are varying levels of oblivious to the entire concept. (And Sasuke gets it, but wants no part in it.)

To CanisLupus4- I'm glad that could make you laugh, even if nothing else could. :) I try to be as amusing as possible, (Most of the time.) Though it seems there's definitely room for improvement. (I'm working on that.)

*Tsumi- Checkmate. Yay for gratuitous foreign language.

Title is borrowed from Light Yagami. I think it's a fair description of both his and Shikamaru's personality. (Without the god complex and laziness.)


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